Mid Day Moon
by Awestruck57
Summary: I was quite frustrated when I finally realized that SM was not ever going to complete Midnight Sun. I decided that the only way to rid myself of this irritation, this itch I could not scratch, was to try to get inside her head and finish it myself. This is as close to canon as I can make it, so no NC-17 parts, but I hope I have caught the flavor of SM's Edward. Please, review!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I began to run.

Her heart thrummed like the wings of a tiny bird against my back, her breath was ragged in my ear. She clung to me with what I realized was all her strength as I flew through the trees. I was taking much more care than usual, staying far enough from the branches to make sure none of them touched her delicate skin. Her soft cheek against my neck was distractingly pleasant; the heated tingling it caused took my thoughts down dangerous paths.

In what surely seemed like no time to her we were standing beside her truck. She was still breathing heavily, almost as though she had run the whole way on her own two legs.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked over my shoulder, hoping she had enjoyed the speed at least a little. She didn't respond, though, and her heart continued to race. Her head lolled forward limply. I waited, but she made no move to disentangle her limbs, clinging to me with her legs locked around my waist.

"Bella?" I was afraid she had lost consciousness.

"I think I need to lie down," she gasped.

"Oh, sorry." I certainly would not rush her, I could happily stay here with her wrapped around me for the rest of eternity, but was she going to pass out?

"I…think I need help!" she said finally, breathlessly.

I laughed a little with relief as I gently loosened her hold, swinging her around in front of me, cradling her for a moment, savoring her sweet warmth.

She swayed when I carefully sat her on her feet. "How do you feel?" I asked, anxious again.

"Dizzy, I think!" she replied, still unsteady, her face ashen.

"Put your head between your knees," I suggested, remembering from med school that this was a remedy for lightheadedness.

She sat, carefully, and put her head between her drawn up knees. She stayed that way, very still, for several moments. I sat beside her and waited, feeling remorseful at having caused her such distress.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea!" I said, ruefully.

"No, it was very…interesting." Her voice was still weak, but she was putting a positive spin on her discomfort, a very Bella-like thing to do.

Now that I was certain she was actually none the worse for my showing off, my excitement at having her with me, and her acceptance of all my exposed secrets returned. I felt like teasing her, just a little.

"Hah," I said, "you're as white as a ghost - no, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that, next time."

"Next time!?" she groaned, looking horrified.

I laughed again, amused by her melodramatic expression. Her color was better, and I could hear that her heartbeat was almost back to normal.

"Show off!" she muttered.

Studying her beautiful face I was almost overcome by the emotions washing over me. I had been numb for so long, and this intense joy I felt in her presence, and at her desire to be in my presence, was nearly overwhelming. I wanted so much the taste of her sweet lips on mine.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I requested, moving closer. Could I do this? Could I handle the burning, could I keep my teeth to myself?

She opened her big brown eyes, which widened even more at my unexpected proximity. Her heartbeat and breathing sped up again, and her cheeks flushed a delicate pink. I was suddenly certain that I would never hurt her, that the desire I felt for her had somehow been transformed into something different. The thirst for her blood was still there, but muted to a level I could ignore by the desire, not to take from her, but to give her pleasure, to show in a tangible way my love for her. Would she find my touch pleasurable? I struggled to find the words….

"I was thinking while I was running," I began, and then hesitated.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope!" she interjected.

I laughed, "Silly Bella, running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off!" she muttered, again.

"No," I smiled, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." Determined to take the next step in this stomach clenching adventure, I carefully cupped her face in my hands, and then paused, checking my responses, confirming I was still in control of all my hungers.

She caught her breath in a gasp and held it as I ever so gently touched her soft lips with my own. My eyes closed involuntarily at the wave of pure pleasure spreading through me from that point of contact.

Then, Bella's hands were in my hair, clutching my face to hers with all her strength. Her body strained against mine and her silken lips parted, her breathing again ragged and heavy. She moaned her desire into my mouth; that and her sweet breath almost drove me over the cliff. I froze, locking down my body, focused entirely on controlling the suddenly uncontrollable urge to consume her completely. I had to break the connection.

I pushed her face from mine as gently as possible, not breathing, not moving at all beyond that, for fear of losing my balance on this razor's edge I walked, and falling into violence of one kind or another. I could not let that happen! I opened my eyes carefully to find her regarding me with a worried and somewhat chagrined look on her face. She seemed to realize my control was shaky, but probably not just how shaky.

"Oops," she said, apologetically.

"That's an understatement!" I managed, still holding her face.

"Should I…" she began, pulling back slightly.

Gazing into her eyes I felt control returning. "No," I said, unwilling to let her go. "It's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

She waited, her breathing leveling out even as mine did.

"There!" I said triumphantly, when I knew I could move again without hurting her. The monster was being tamed, or at least subdued for now.

"Tolerable?" she asked, cocking one eyebrow.

I laughed out loud, buoyed by my success in dealing with her unexpected response to my kiss. I was far more confident now that I could touch her; I would not be caught off guard again.

"I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know!"

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You're only human, after all!" I teased.

"Thanks so much!" she said, sarcastically. But, her eyes were smiling.

I let her go and leaped to my feet; immediately my arms felt empty, I longed to hold her in them again. Throwing caution to the wind, I held out my hand to help her to her feet, bracing myself for the shock of her touch. Would I ever fail to be thrilled by the heat of her skin? I doubted it. But, I was prepared, and eager for the contact.

She placed her hand in mine and got unsteadily to her feet. As usual I found her clumsiness endearing, and I laughed from sheer joy. "Are you still faint from the run, or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased, thrilled by her casual acceptance of my cold skin on hers as she laced her fingers through mine and held on tight.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy, I think it's some of both, though." She admitted.

She was looking at me with an expression of warm adoration that had my dead heart suddenly singing again. The thought of anything happening to her, ever, was terrifying. "Maybe you should let me drive." I suggested.

"Are you insane?" she protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day!" I told her, only halfway teasing. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

Her hands were in her pockets, and I could see that she was holding her truck key tightly as she pursed her lips-which was very distracting-and pretended to deliberate. "Nope," she said, "Not a chance!"

I raised my eyebrows in mock disbelief. She stepped around me to get to the driver's side of the truck, wobbled and almost fell. I caught her around the waist.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive, I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Beside, friends don't let friend drive drunk!" I quoted, chuckling at her expression, a mixture of desire and irritation.

"Drunk?" Her tone bespoke volumes of objection.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I knew this, because hers intoxicated me. I smirked at her, sensing she was giving in.

"I can't argue with that," she sighed. She held the key up high and dropped it. I caught it instantly, as she had known I would. "Take it easy-my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible." I commended her.

"And are you not affected at all by my presence?" Irritation seemed to winning out in the battle of emotions playing across her face.

She had no idea. It was all I could do to limit my answer to bending and softly brushing my lips along her face, from her ear to her chin, once, twice, three times. How was I going to stop? She trembled, and fearing a repeat of her earlier response I pulled away. I was not ready to resist that yet again today.

"Regardless," I said, when I could speak, "I have better reflexes."

I helped her into the truck and we left, two different people than when we arrived.

As I drove her home I held her small, soft hand in mine, still basking in the warm glow of the day. Her eyes never left me, and I was beginning to accept that she was drawn to me in the same way I was drawn to her. If not careful I would let my self believe she was destined to be my mate, my match. To the very core of my being I wanted that to be so. A war raged in my heart and mind. She was so young, how could she really know what she wanted? And yet, being with her felt so absolutely right. The silence between us was easy, comfortable, but I turned the radio on and searched for an oldies station, reminding myself of the difference in our age, a chasm of years. I sang the songs, some of which I was sure she had never heard before; they were so far before her time. She listened, smiling, and I continued to glow, unable, despite my best effort, to tamp down my happiness. I had never felt this way, complete, as if some part of me that had been missing had been added and I was now whole.

I could not think of my self, though, I could not allow my selfish pleasure in her company and the hope for something more, something physical, to rob her of the things she deserved. Did not every woman dream of having a home and family, someday? Rosalie and Esme certainly did; I had witnessed the pain of their unfulfilled longing almost on a daily basis. I gazed into her eyes and tried to picture the two futures, one with me, living in a never-ending, never-changing state while the world around us morphed into…what? What would the world become? The other as she grew and changed and matured into a beautiful woman, married and had children. Her children would be amazing…how could I take that from her?

"You like fifties music?" she interrupted my reverie.

"Music in the fifties was good," I conceded. "Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" She seemed hesitant, as though afraid of upsetting me. And here, I had been worried about her reaction to discovering my real age.

"Does it matter so much?" I wondered. I smiled, trying to set her at ease. I did not want this to be an uncomfortable space between us.

"No, but I still wonder…there's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night." She made a face that told me she would not let a mystery go unsolved.

I tore my eyes from her face and gazed into the setting sun.

"I wonder if it will upset you?" I mused aloud. I was torn, again, between wanting her to know the truth and fear of alienating her.

She was silent for several moments. I wondered if she felt the need to compose her thoughts, prepare for worst. "Try me," she said, finally.

I studied her face intently. A memory of the first time we met -the first time we spoke, actually, the first time we met her scent prevented any consideration of her thoughts- flashed through my mind, bringing with it another smile. Had I really thought her difficult to read even though her thoughts were closed to me? Now that I knew her better, her face truly was an open book, as her mother called it.

I sighed heavily. She had to know, sometime, and compared to the other things she'd learned about me this day, this did not seem so significant.

And so I told my story. I heard her slight intake of breath when I reached the part about my death, and I glanced at her quickly, only to find that she had composed her face, waiting patiently for the rest.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We sat in the dark in front of her house as I continued my tale. She was entranced, her eyes wide and wondering. She focused in on information that I was hoping she would overlook. She was particularly interested in the transformation process, asking several questions that gave me pause. I considered telling her the details, stressing the pain, but knowing Bella as I had come to, this would not deter her. I could see on her face, she was putting the pieces together. I told her of Carlisle's loneliness, and his choosing myself and Esme, and I briefly glossed over Rosalie's story and her choosing of Emmett.

"Alice and Jasper?" she asked when I paused. Their story, and especially Alice's abilities intrigued her tremendously, far too much for my comfort. I could see that her quick mind had extrapolated a great deal from the bare framework I had given her.

To my relief, her stomach sidetracked her questions. It began growling, loudly, and she clutched it and blushed.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really," she said, a lie that told me how much she wanted to be with me.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food, I forgot."

"I want to stay with you," she confessed, reinforcing what I already knew, blushing an even deeper shade of rose. God, she was beautiful. Did I dare continue our evening together? How long before her father came home? I convinced myself that since that was an unknown quantity, I could be trusted.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, hopefully.

"Would you like to?" She sounded surprised.

"Yes, if it's alright." Not needing further encouragement, I was out of the car and had her door open before she could blink.

"Very human," she said, approvingly. I marveled again at her casual acceptance of everything about me that I had kept hidden for so long.

"It's definitely resurfacing," I allowed, wondering if she would be frightened to know just how many human feelings, and desires, had risen in me. Feelings I had no experience in dealing with, made even stronger by the vampiric vessel in which I carried them. She glanced up at me several times as I walked close beside her up her sidewalk. I sped up and unlocked and opened the door, moving so fast she did not realize I had done so. She paused half through the door.

"The door was unlocked?" she asked, looking worried.

"No, I used the key from under the eave." I informed her. I could hear a slightly smug tone in my voice.

She stepped into the house without a word, flipping on the porch light and then turning to me with eyebrows raised.

"I was curious about you," I answered her unspoken question.

"You spied on me?" she asked, reaching for outrage, but it wasn't there. There was a tiny smile on her face that spoke to me of her pleasure in my attention.

"What else is there to do at night?" I smiled at her briefly, before darting ahead to claim a chair at her kitchen table. She stood at the door staring at me with eyes even wider than normal, as if trying to reconcile my presence in her small kitchen.

She bustled about in silence, glancing at me often as she prepared her meal. Finally, she stood at the microwave, her back to me, waiting for whatever was heating.

As I watched her, I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into an inescapable addiction. Already I craved her company almost as much as I craved her blood. Swimming through waves of her scent, desire was pulsing through me; it swirled in eddies and pools, multi-layered and complicated. I realized that at some point in the very near future I would be unable to survive without her. Truly, she was like a drug to me. I pondered incorporating her into my life, and myself into hers. Was I insane to even contemplate the possibility? I tried to picture her with my family, tried to see them through her eyes.

"How often?" she asked, abruptly, without turning around.

"Hmmm?" It was a measure of her effect on me that I had lost the thread of the conversation she was continuing.

"How often did you come here?"

Was this it? Would this be the line that, once crossed, she would reject me? Whatever the cost, I knew I had to be honest with her. It was important that she know me, everything I was capable of. I would start with this small piece.

"I come here almost every night."

She spun to face me, shock evident on her face. "Why?" she demanded.

"You're interesting when you sleep," I told her, honestly. "You talk."  
"No!" she gasped, flushing a deep red and falling against the kitchen counter. She clutched it for support and the color drained from her face.

Maybe this was too much honesty. "Are you very angry with me?"  
"That depends!" She looked as though she might faint.

I waited. "On?" I urged, finally, when she didn't continue.  
"What you heard!"

Now she appeared to be on the verge of tears. I could not tolerate making her cry. I went to her side and took her hands in mine. "Don't be upset," I begged. I bent my knees to be at face level, trying to capture her eyes with mine, but hers slid sideways and down, shining with unshed tears.

"You miss your mother," I told her, softly. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, '"It's too green.'" I laughed, gently, remembering what a hard time I'd had that night preventing myself from laughing out loud and waking her.  
"Anything else?" she asked, a little of her color returning.  
I knew what she was asking. "You did say my name," I told her, reluctantly, fearful of adding to her discomfiture.

"A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"  
She dropped her head into her hands. "Oh no!"

I pulled her to me. She offered no resistance, but nuzzled her face into my chest, breathing deeply. "Don't be self-conscious," I whispered. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." I wanted her to know what her calling my name had meant to me, how it had brought me from darkness into the warm light of day.  
Then we both heard the sound of tires, saw the flash of headlights through the front windows. She stiffened.  
"Should your father know I'm here?"  
"I'm not sure…" she hesitated, confusion reigning in her eyes, as they flashed up to mine. Charlie's key was in the lock; the decision was made.  
"Another time then," I promised, and disappeared up the stairs to her bedroom, laughing softly as she fiercely whispered my name.


	3. Chapter 3

I could feel Charlie's mingled contentment and exhaustion; the fishing had been good, several large trout were now in the freezer, and he had sent even more home with Billy, but they had trekked many miles up and down the steep riverbank, wearing themselves out.

His contentment, and his fatigue, faded quickly as he took in Bella's over bright eyes and reddened cheeks. Now, he was interested, just short of alarm. Smiling in anticipation, I draped my length across her small, narrow bed, breathing deeply as her delicious aroma swirled around me, and settled in to wait. The burn seemed to have peaked, and receded -I hoped permanently- to a level I could tolerate, and even ignore completely, especially when otherwise distracted.

Bella had her father's full attention as he plied her with questions about her day. I couldn't read his thoughts clearly enough to see her face in his mind, but I could picture it, nevertheless. I covered my mouth to hold in the laughter welling up when he encouraged her to go out. Then, he mentioned Mike Newton. The urge to laugh disappeared, and I was scowling. Even her dismissal of him as "only a friend" did not alleviate my jealousy, and I stayed that way until I heard her footsteps on the stairs. She tiptoed at a run across her room, not seeing me in the dark, and opened her window, forcefully. She leaned out, calling my name. "Yes?" I said, quietly, suppressing laughter once more. What a ping-pong game my emotions had become since falling in love!

She gasped and whirled around, clutching her throat, and then all strength seemed to drain from her legs; she collapsed to the floor and sat there, blinking at me, her eyes as big as saucers.

"I'm sorry," I told her, and I was, but on another level she was so funny to me that it required a great deal of restraint not to laugh out loud. I had never in my 108 years found anyone, human or vampire, who entertained me as she did.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart," she requested, her voice shaky, and her heart pounding. I had startled her much more than I meant to.

"Why don't you sit with me," I said, reaching to pick her up. When she was seated beside me I covered her warm hand with my cold one. "How's the heart?" I inquired, feeling her pulse gradually slow as she leaned into my side, her warmth seeping through and stirring me in so many ways.

"You tell me-I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I laughed, her heart was probably still audible to both of us, but it was slowing, and soon only I would be able to hear it. What a beautiful sound! We listened in silence for a moment, and then she stirred uneasily.

"Can I have a moment to be human?" she asked unnecessarily, pulling away slightly.

What was she thinking? It worried me; had I done something to make her uncomfortable? "Certainly," I assured her.

"Stay!" she commanded, feigning a stern expression as she turned to gaze into my eyes.

Her face softened and warmed as I snapped to attention and posed, frozen. "Yes, ma'am!"

She regarded me for a moment, smiling my favorite tiny smile, before jumping up to grab several items and dash out, slamming doors in her wake. I suddenly realized what was making her uncomfortable, it was having her father and myself together under the same roof. She was afraid he would come upstairs to check on her and find me here. Even now, she had not fully grasped my abilities. I smiled and shook my head.

She seemed to be taking forever to complete whatever ablutions a teenage girl deemed necessary. In the meantime, I tried to prepare myself for the temptation her return would present. Every other night spent in her room I had been in the rocking chair, safely away from her. Tonight I planned to stay close, if possible.

"Night, Dad!" I heard her call to her father, obviously trying to reassure him of her intent to retire early and stay put.

For whatever reason, it wasn't working, and his "Night, Bella!" was laced with startled suspicion. I snickered; what did he know that I didn't? Surely she didn't make a habit of sneaking out? There was so much to learn about her, and I looked forward to knowing it all.

She ran up the stairs and burst into the room, bringing with her the aroma of peppermint toothpaste and strawberry shampoo. She smelled incredibly appetizing, and intoxicating. She shut the door firmly behind her and leaned against it for a moment; probably letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. I stayed still, taking in her freshly showered hair, and the usual night attire. I was glad she had not changed that for me. I smiled, "Nice," I told her.

She scowled, evidently thinking I was being sarcastic.

"No, it looks good on you," I assured her.

"Thanks," she said, coming to sit beside me. She kept her eyes downcast.

"What was all that for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh, Why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I cupped her soft, sweet chin and lifted her face for examination. "You look very warm, actually." I wanted to question her regarding her father's reason for suspecting that she would sneak out of the house, but her warmth and her smell drew me in, scattering my thoughts and making me forget my question. I leaned down to breath her in more fully, and rested my cheek against the silk of her skin. "Mmmmm," I said, completely overtaken.

"It seems to be…" she began, and then paused, seeming to have lost her own train of thought. I waited, and she continued, finally, "much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

I brushed her hair away from her neck to reach that spot right below her ear where her pulse was strongest, and let my lips, only my lips, rest there, softly. Venom flooded my mouth, and yet, the desire I had for her blood was overwhelmed by another desire. Her smell had changed; there were elements in her odor that my body –my newly awakened 17-year-old boy's body- was reacting to in a way I had never felt before. I still wanted to consume her, but I wanted to... touch her, even more…I let my fingers drift slowly down to her tantalizing collarbone. "Does it seem that way to you?" I responded, somewhat absently, as her heart was thrumming out a fascinating rhythm, and her breathing was ragged and shallow. Her smell was even more intensely attractive; if I didn't stop soon, I would completely lose control.

"Much, much easier," she went on, "so I was wondering…"

"Yes?" My breath was raising goose bumps on her skin.

"Why is that, do you think?" she asked, and shivered.

I laughed, my lips still against her tempting throat, "Mind over matter."

Then she was drawing back, pulling my lips away from her neck. I wanted to follow, but I refused to give in to the need, I held myself rigid and after a moment of internal struggle I was able to ask, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

"Really?" I said, suddenly realizing the meaning of the change in her smell, she was aroused; she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Despite the danger, I could not restrain my smile.

"Would you like a round of applause?" she asked, acidly.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so I never imagined anything like this. I didn't think I would ever find someone I wanted to…be with in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you..."

"You're good at everything," she interrupted me to point out. It probably did seem that way to her. I shrugged, and she laughed in a whisper. I joined her, realizing I might have seemed a tad arrogant. "But, how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

"It's not easy," I confessed. I didn't share that far from being easier, it was harder, because more layers of desire had been added. "But, this afternoon, I was still undecided. I am sorry about that. It was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable."

I smiled, relieved. "Thank you. You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" As I struggled to find the words to reassure her, I lost the battle to resist touching her once more. I picked up one of her hands to breath in the scent at her wrist. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome- I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that…I ever could…" I could not force the words from my mouth.

"So there's no possibility now?" Instead of being frightened, she seemed convinced of the strength of my will.

"Mind over matter," I said, again. I would need to make this my mantra.

"Wow, that was easy."

I laughed, barely remembering at the last moment not to laugh out loud, glad that she did not realize the struggle I was having, glad that she didn't know about the monster inside me. "Easy for you!" I corrected, gently tapping her nose with a fingertip. I hoped she never found out that it was actually more difficult, now, with the monster having added a new kind of lust to the bloodlust. "I'm trying. If it gets to be too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." I didn't want her to be overly confident in my ability to control myself.

She frowned, heavily, as I continued, "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," she suggested, unable to hide the longing in her voice.

"That suits me, bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." I caught her fragile wrists in my hard, cold hands, laughing at the irony of how this tiny, breakable human had so completely captured me, with all my inhuman speed and strength, in an inescapable spell.

"You seem more…optimistic than usual," she noted. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this, the glory of first love, and all that? It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I hesitated; I wanted her to know my feelings, but it was difficult to reveal just how vulnerable I was to my emotions where she was concerned.

"Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

"The day you started talking to me again."

It pleased me that she remembered that day for that reason, but I did not acknowledge her statement, determined to open my heart before I lost courage. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. And then the line started forming,"

She scowled again, and I laughed, it was exactly the same look she had on her face that day as she sat in her truck, blocked in by my car. I reigned in my amusement and continued, "I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry. And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

There, it was out in the open. With my confession complete I waited, letting her process the depth of my addiction. Her heart was pounding unevenly, and her expression was stunned.

She remained silent for several moments, and I continued, "But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" My anger returned, full force, and I shook my head to clear it.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she said, sounding pained. Then she perked up. "That made you feel jealous, though, really?" she asked, a smile playing about her lips.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," she said, sounding amused, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie — was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition." I smiled, and pulled her arms gently around my back, holding her snugly against me.

"I know there's no competition," she murmured into my chest. "That's the problem." She held perfectly still as she spoke.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," she said, her cheek against my chest, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," I laughed. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I transferred custody of her wrists to one hand, freeing the other to stroke her fragrant, still damp hair. My thoughts returned to my ruminations on our trip home from the meadow, I was asking too much, I shouldn't be here, with her, drawing us both deeper into something I was positive she would regret bitterly one day. "

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me," I pointed out, "that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?" I asked, rhetorically. Could I have done that, given the choice? I would have, had I known she was in my future, but I had not known that at the time.

"Very little — I don't feel deprived of anything," she declared. I heard the certainty in her voice; she meant what she said, for now.

"Not yet." Staggering sorrow suddenly bowed my shoulders, and I could not meet her eyes. My stone heart ached with the fear that, if our path continued together to its inevitable outcome -as witnessed by Alice's vision- she would one day hate me for robbing her of humanity, her potential, whether it was my venom that flowed through her veins, or some other immortal, it would be because of my intrusion into her life.

"What -" she began, pulling away from my chest, to seek my face, but I would not allow her to move, her eyes were too irresistible, I was afraid I would succumb...suddenly, I heard Charlie's muted thoughts and quiet step on the stairs; he was coming in to check on her.

"Lie down!" I ordered, as I dropped her hands and fled to the darkest corner of her room.

She quickly curled up under her faded quilt, and began an exaggerated pantomime of deep sleep. Charlie peeked in, and after ascertaining that she was still in her bed, closed the door very softly. I waited a moment, enduring another brief, futile fight between the two sides of my nature. The right thing would be to slip out her window and run as far and as fast as I could. But, instead, I found myself slipping under the quilt with her, letting her warmth envelop me once more.

"You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you." I teased, distracting myself, or trying to.

"Darn it," she joked, but her heart was beating furiously. Her father's suspicious intrusion had upset her more than she was letting on. In an effort to soothe her galloping pulse I hummed her song softly, my lips close to her ear.

"Should I sing you to sleep?" I inquired after a moment.

"Right!" She whispered, sarcastically, "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I pointed out.

"But I didn't know you were here," she reminded me, coolly.

"So if you don't want to sleep..." I paused, waiting for her to tell me. She gasped, audibly; what spin had she put on my question? Had my tone been unintentionally suggestive?

"If I don't want to sleep...?"

I snickered. "What do you want to do then?"

"I'm not sure," she said after an interminably long pause.

"Tell me when you decide." Her scent was drawing me again; I gave in, and let myself indulge, inhaling along her delicate jaw line. Her smell was back to normal, the urgent arousal muted. No less luscious, but not quite as...stimulating.

"I thought you were desensitized," she whispered, unconsciously arching her neck to give me better access.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender...or freesia. It's mouthwatering," I informed her, wondering if I was going too far.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

I laughed, appreciating her attempt at humor. Then, I sighed. She really did smell deliciously edible.

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything," I said, relieved.

"Why do you do it?" she inquired, seriously, after a brief pause to collect her thoughts. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She was silent for so long, I thought I might have bored her into slumber. "Did you fall asleep?" I whispered after a few minutes.

"No," she answered, promptly. She had been pondering my comments then. I smiled into the darkness.

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite." Her toned implied that I should know better than to ask such a silly question.

I smiled, "What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?"

These were the same questions I had asked soon after my rebirth. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory...he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her... tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." I snickered, and chose not to mention her vanity. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift." Another long pause while she digested these new facts.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on..."

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." I laughed, and kissed the top of her head, entertained once again by her dry humor. She was so amusing! "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next..." I reminded her, ecstatic beyond measure at the prospect of endless days spent with her.

She smiled hugely, seeming as thrilled as I was at the thought.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" she asked, her mood quickly turning uncertain. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you," I promised. As if I could!

"One more, then, tonight..." she hesitated and flushed bright pink. Her heart quickened, as well.

"What is it?" I was suddenly intensely curious. What was she thinking, now? I had the feeling that it might have something to do with the physicality of our species, and I wasn't sure what to tell her.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

She remained stubbornly silent, and I groaned in an agony of annoyance. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts," she told me, her tone a trifle smug. "It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I begged, trying to be as persuasive as possible, using my Mrs. Cope voice on her. She just shook her head, and my curiosity raged. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is!" I sounded petulant to my own ears. "Please?" I begged, once more.

"Well," she began and then stopped, searching for words, I suspected.

"Yes?" I prompted, eagerly.

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"

"Is that what you're getting at?" She was, as I had suspected, asking about vampires and sex. I laughed, in spite of myself. She was so self-conscious, but so determined to know. She squirmed uneasily as I tried to decide what to tell her.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I said, finally. "As I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires.

"Oh," was all she said.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well, I did wonder... about you and me... someday..."

She caught me off guard; I went perfectly still, not even breathing...she was thinking along much less abstract lines than I realized at first. I should have realized that from the scent she was giving off earlier. I could not let my thoughts wander down that path; it would never be safe for her. "I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that... close?"

I closed my eyes and tried desperately to prevent images of her being that close to linger in my mind, "That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I let met hand rest gently along her cheek, reminding myself, as much as warning her. "If I was too hasty... if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She had no response, maintaining the same frozen position she had assumed when I stopped breathing. Her silence made me anxious. "Are you scared?" I asked.

"No. I'm fine," she assured me, finally. Her heart had slowed; I knew she spoke the truth. Her calm acceptance never ceased to amaze me.

"I'm curious now, though," I paused; I was about to get myself into trouble, asking questions I had no business asking, but, I had to know, "Have you ever...?" I let my voice trail off suggestively.

"Of course not!" she said, indignantly. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all."

I tried and failed at not being pleased that her lack of experience equaled my own. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least."

She had another question. "Your human instincts...Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I wanted to tell her that it was all I could do to keep my hands off, and lips and...I settled for ruffling her hair and assuring her, "I may not be a human, but I am a man!"

She suddenly yawned, hugely.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I coaxed.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she, said loudly.

I chuckled, and then resumed humming her lullaby softly in her ear. Within minutes she had drifted off to sleep in my arms, her sweet face nestled trustingly against my neck.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella slept peacefully in my arms, motionless but for her deep, even breathing, a blissful smile curving her lips. At some point during the night, her hand found its way between the buttons on my shirt and rested gently over my heart, warming me all the way through.

The hours passed quickly as I held her, my thoughts, like a waking dream, creating a world where we were together, completely, and without fear. Before the advent of Bella, the endless span of time stretching ahead of me had not been a subject I let myself contemplate often. Now, I realized that without her, it would not be bearable. I wanted nothing more than to be with her, living a normal human life, growing old and satisfied with days alongside her.

I pondered many things regarding eternity, and morality, and my own standing with whoever, or whatever controlled the universe...for, it was my belief, deeply held, and unable to be rationalized away, that there was a guiding intelligence out there somewhere. I realized that my moral code was outmoded in the eyes of most, even Bella, but it had been incorporated into my being, baked into my cake, as it were, and was an ingredient that could not be removed. I was convinced that eventually we all, without exception, answer for our actions. I was not sure how my kind fit into this universal law; it was a puzzle that I had mulled over many times through the passing years, without coming to a satisfactory conclusion. It was partly what had brought me back from the brink after my years of rebellion; my kicking against the goad of my conscience had not ended well for me in the past, I had no reason to believe it would be any different now.

Midway through the night she grew restless, throwing the cover off of her legs and clasping my shirt in a tightfisted grip. She was murmuring unintelligible words into my neck, her sweet, warm breath sending shivers up my spine. Then, "Oh, Edward," she whispered, clearly, "I love you!"

Three tiny little words, but their impact upon me was cosmic. I knew without a doubt that Bella was not the sort to utter those words casually, from her lips they carried weight beyond what anyone else's pronouncement could have. Her words were too much, they were more than I could bear.

I wanted to take her, make her mine as a man does the woman who is his mate, who could be the mother of his children. I recoiled immediately; what was I thinking? We could never have that, I could never safely claim her as my own despite how desperate my desire for her, or her for me. The act of love between us, should she survive it, would be a mockery of the sacred act that had the potential of passing on life. I castigated myself bitterly for letting her feelings grow, for being so self-absorbed, selfish beyond any selfishness I had ever shown before. And, what was worse, I could not bring myself to alter course. My addiction was complete.

A stray Biblical passage read at least 10 decades ago floated to the top of my consciousness. The writer lamented that the good that he wished was beyond him, and the bad that he did not wish was what he practiced. In his wretchedness he cried out: "Miserable man that I am, who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death!" How those words resonated with me, for death is what her absence would mean.

I knew the struggle she would have against her vampire nature, should Alice's vision become reality; perhaps even more than I, she would mourn the loss of her humanity. She would suffer the war within that the monster would create, and I could never bear to see her suffer. Yet, my existence without her was no longer bearable, either. My internal war raged on, neither side gaining, neither giving in. I determined, during those darkest of hours, that my only option to move forward at all was to take each day with her as a gift, and let them come as they would.

I gathered her close, and snuggling up to my chest, she soon settled back into deep slumber.

In the wee hours of the morning, after Bella fell into the deepest sleep, I reluctantly left her to prepare my family, for I intended to bring them together.

As I neared the house I realized they were gathered, waiting for me. Thanks to Alice, of course.

When I entered the front door, Esme rushed to hug me, barely able to contain her joy. "I'm so glad we're finally going to meet Bella," she said, "what can we do to make her comfortable?"

I laughed, "Probably, just don't try too hard, mom!" I suggested, returning her embrace, briefly, before linking arms with her and turning to the rest of my family. Suspending my usual habit of blocking them out of respect for their privacy, I let my mind touch each of theirs in turn. I felt nothing but warmth and support from Esme, and from Carlisle; as usual, he only thought the best of me. Alice was excited to the point of giddiness, her bubbly enthusiasm a stark contrast to Jasper's brooding anxiety.

As I suspected, Rosalie was going to be difficult. Her thoughts contained more contempt and vitriol than normal, even for her. To my relief, she had decided she would be elsewhere tomorrow, and Emmett was going with her. His thoughts were sympathetic as he clapped me heartily on the back, although he was still confused by my complete absorption with a human. _I'm glad you didn't kill her_, he told me, silently, _'cause I won that bet_. _Rosalie still thinks it's just a matter of time, though. I'll run interference for ya, man_, he promised, _but, we probably want to keep them apart, for now anyway_. I nodded, suppressing a surge of irritation at the idea of them betting on the survival of the love of my life.

Rosalie glared at him and then left the room, sneering at me as she went. _Idiot! You're going to end up bringing us all down! _I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, wondering if she was right.

Carlisle, not knowing exactly what Rosalie had thought in my direction, but knowing it was something unpleasant, put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "Don't let her bother you," he said, aloud. "You can trust yourself to do the right thing." I looked at him, incredulous. "I know you don't believe it," he continued, "but I chose wisely when I decided to make you my son. You will do the right thing," he said, with the emphasis on 'will', "however, the hard part for you will be knowing, for sure, what that is."

"Edward," Alice piped up, "Bella is special, in many ways, she is going to be an important part of our family, and our kind," she was frowning at me now, "unless you screw it up with this ridiculous self loathing you're so fond of!"

I grimaced, acknowledging my recent angst ridden state. Her eyes lost focus for a moment, "She is an early riser, if you're going to be there when she wakes up like you promised, you'd better get back soon." Her head was full of Bella, waking with tousled hair and a big grin.

Anxious to do as Alice said, I turned my attention to the last remaining variable. "Jasper, are you going to be in control tomorrow? Can you handle this?"

"I handle it at school, every day," he pointed out.

I raised an eyebrow; we both knew how uncertain that control had been at times. "Still, I'd feel more comfortable if you kept your distance. And, go hunting, right away!"

He shrugged, acquiescing. "I will, to both. I can help, though, if you need me to." I could see his determination in his thoughts; he realized that hurting Bella would be tantamount to hurting Alice, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Thanks, I may take you up on that later." I looked around at all their faces, humbly grateful for the loving concern I felt from them. "Thanks, all of you," I said, warmly, ignoring the twinge of regret I felt that, for whatever reason, Rosalie was unable to make the support unanimous. "I'll be back with Bella sometime late morning, if all goes as planned. Of course, where Bella is concerned, you can never count on plans not going awry!"

A half hour later, having showered and changed, I slipped quietly back into her bedroom. I resisted the urge to climb under the covers with her, instead seating myself in my usual spot, the rocking chair in the corner. She was hugging her pillow, smiling slightly, and I sighed with contentment as my throat resumed the burn that accompanied her presence. I found myself actually welcoming the pain, and shook my head in amazement; maybe Carlisle was right, maybe I could be trusted to do the right thing. Now, if only I could make up my mind what that was...I settled in to wait, and ponder.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

She woke in stages, which I watched with amusement, reveling in my newly acquired freedom to observe the process. She started with low moans, advanced to rolling onto her side, and then her back again, then moved on to throwing an arm over her eyes, before suddenly sitting straight up, her eyes unerringly drawn to my mine. The big grin Alice had seen was there, as was the wildly tousled hair.

"Your hair looks like a haystack," I teased, my grin matching hers, "but I like it."

"Edward, you stayed!" she practically shouted, and promptly dove across the room into my arms. I was surprised and thrilled by her enthusiasm, but she froze in mid hug and drew back slightly, clearly afraid she had gone too far.

"Of course!" I laughed, and drew her to me, rubbing her back reassuringly. I added another item to my list of Bella facts, she was exceptionally excitable in the morning. I tried very hard not to think about the ways that excitement could be experienced...

She laid her head on my shoulder, more tentative, now. I didn't want tentative, I wanted her to be at ease with me.

"I was sure it was a dream," she said, softly, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes in pleasure. I knew she found my scent as appealing as I did hers, albeit whetting less complicated appetites.

You're not that creative," I mocked, trying to get a rise out of her that would distract me from my whetted appetite. She didn't take the bait.

"Charlie!" she gasped, and launched her tiny body out of my lap and halfway across the room.

"He left an hour ago," I informed her. She stopped short, looking bemused. "After reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit, I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" She had no response to that, her eyes were darting between me and the door, a look of almost painful indecision on her face.

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," I remarked, holding out my arms in invitation.

"I need another human minute," she said, biting her lip and blushing.

"I'll wait." I wondered if her heart heard the unspoken promise: _forever_.

She was back in moments, her hair tamed, slightly, her eyes sparkling like jewels in candlelight. Her telltale heart sped and beat erratically as I reached for her, drawing her into my arms. "Welcome back," I breathed into her soft hair. Once again I was enveloped in her warmth and her smell, where I could have stayed for eternity, content with her in my lap, her head on my shoulder, rocking in companionable silence.

Eventually she noticed my change of clothing. "You left?" she accused, fingering the collar of my crisp new shirt.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in! What would the neighbors think?"

Her bottom lip protruded in a most distracting and adorable fashion. When I could tear my eyes from her mouth, I looked into her bright eyes. "You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." I assured her. "The talking came earlier."

"Oh, no! What did you hear?"

"You said you loved me," I told her, reliving the thrill.

"You knew that already," she said, her eyes downcast.

"It was nice to hear, just the same." Nice was so inadequate for the feelings her declaration engendered.

She tucked her face into my shoulder. "I love you," she whispered.

No matter how long I existed, no matter how many times she said it, I would never tire of those words on her lips. She was my singularity, the point from which my universe was born... "You are my life now," I told her, wishing I had bigger words.

We lapsed into satisfied silence, and I rocked her gently as the gray blanket of a typical Forks morning spread through her room.

I heard a tiny rumble from her stomach, one she was probably not even aware of. "Breakfast time," I said, sitting up reluctantly, loath to bring this time with her to an end.

She stunned me by throwing both hands over her throat, and staring at me with huge, frightened eyes. I must have looked completely shell shocked; she took pity on me, relieving me of my dismay. "Kidding!" The little imp laughed. "And you said I couldn't act!"

"That wasn't funny!" I told her, frowning heavily.

"It was very funny, and you know it!" she retorted, eying me, cautiously.

I eyed her right back, now suppressing a grin. I added one more item to my list, she had a streak of wicked humor, and a keen sense of timing. "Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay."

She wasn't the only one who liked to play games! Moving at inhuman speed I threw her over my shoulder and carried her, complaining, giggling and breathless in equal parts, down the stairs. After plopping her, carefully, down at the kitchen table, I stepped back to observe her happy smile and sparkling eyes. It seemed to please her, having me here, and the whole room radiated warmth and happiness. I could get used to mornings with Bella.

"What's for breakfast?" she inquired in a cheerful tone.

She took me by surprise, again; did she want me to cook for her? I had no idea how to proceed, but I determined then and there to learn to prepare her favorite dishes. For now though, "Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" I asked, uncertainly.

She jumped up, grinning, taking pity on me once more. "That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

And watch her I did. I drank in her every move as she collected her food and eating utensils and sat back down at the table. On her second bite she stopped, her spoon half way to her mouth and looked up at me, her brow furrowed slightly, self consciousness obvious on her face.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked, her tone polite, formal

Silly girl. "Just eat, Bella," I didn't want the interruption, I was enjoying the view too much. There was something about her mouth; I remembered with perfect clarity the warmth, and the taste...just now her plump bottom lip was moistened with milk and I had to hold my body under rigid control to prevent myself from taking her right there in the kitchen. Something in my gaze must have alerted her to my situation, or perhaps she sensed how still I'd gone, but for whatever reason, she cleared her throat and distracted me with a question.

"What's on the agenda for today?" It took me a second to process her query, and then, thankfully, it brought me to my senses. It also gave me the perfect opportunity to advance my plan for taking her home with me.

"Hmmm, I said, trying to sound casual, "What would you say to meeting my family?"

She was completely taken by surprise; her mouth dropped open, and then snapped shut, and she swallowed, audibly. Her heart took off at a gallop, lending me hope that she had some measure of instinct for self preservation, after all. "Are you afraid _now_?"

"Yes," Her eyes were wide and guarded.

"Don't worry," I promised, grinning with satisfaction, "I'll protect you."

I'm not afraid _of_ them," she explained, to my disappointment. "I'm afraid they won't… like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh, they already know everything." I debated with myself, briefly, before revealing Rosalie and Emmett's callous wager...she needed to know we weren't all sweetness and light.

"They'd taken bets yesterday, you know, on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine." I felt a resurgence of anger, which I controlled, with difficulty, before continuing. "At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

"You paid attention." I smiled at her, approving her attention to detail.

"I've been known to do that every now and then." she reminded me. "So, did Alice see me coming?" Her eyes were suddenly boring into mine.

Maybe I didn't like her attention to detail that much, after all. I turned away to hide my surprise, wondering if she could read _my _mind. "Something like that," I said, dismissively. The last thing I wanted was for her to know what Alice had seen. To distract her, I turned back and asked the first ridiculous thing that popped into my head. "Is that any good? Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…"

I frowned, ignoring her attempt at humor, realizing from the look on her face that my evasiveness had only fueled her curiosity. I stared, sightless, out the back window, dual images of Bella haunting my vision; deathly pallor and empty, dead eyes vying for prominence with cold inhuman beauty and eyes blazing red. I shook it off, determined to deny either outcome. I was in too deep, as was she, to let go of what we had so easily, but I was at a loss as to how to concretely assure her safety.

It came to me then that what was needed was a dose of normalcy, human customs I could anchor to when I was with her.

I turned to smile at her, liking the idea very much. "And, you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." I could think of nothing more human than obtaining her father's approval to court her. I hoped he would cooperate.

"He already knows you," she pointed out.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

She did not respond for several beats, gazing at me with eyes full of questions once more. "Why?"

"Isn't that customary?" I wondered aloud, hoping I was not pushing her too fast.

"I don't know," she admitted, hesitating, "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

"I'm not pretending."

She kept her eyes downcast, toying with her food and biting her lip.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I demanded; unsure of the reason for her hesitancy, my heart dropped into my shoes.

"Is that what you are?" she asked, still not meeting my eyes.

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit."

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she murmured, looking at the table.

Ah, something more...my heart lifted again. "Well, I don't know if he has to have all the gory details." Needing her eyes on mine, I lifted her face with my finger. "But, he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me," I clarified.

"Will you be?" she demanded, "Will you really be here?"

"As long as you want me," I promised.

"I'll always want you. Forever."

I stepped around the table and stopped, the intensity of my feelings robbing me of the courage to come any nearer; I restricted myself to grazing her cheek with my fingertips. Would she really want that? Forever...with me?

"Does that make you sad?" she asked, that little furrow back again between her brows.

It did make me a little sad, -only because I found it difficult to believe- and I was amazed at her insight. But, could I trust her to know her feelings? Could she even begin to grasp what forever meant? I fell into her eyes seeking the answer, and found only more questions.

"Are you finished?" I finally asked.

She jumped up. "Yes."

"Get dressed — I'll wait here."

I waited for her at the bottom of the stairs, and in less than 10 minutes -I had not even had time to have second thoughts- she came bounding down the steps and into my arms, proving once again to be an extraordinary female. She was wearing my favorite shade of blue, and had gathered her long mahogany hair into a high pony-tail, leaving her lovely jawline and graceful neck exposed.

"Okay," she said, as I caught and steadied her, "I'm decent."

I held her away from me for a moment, and then unable to resist, I pulled her to me and whispered into her ear. "Wrong again, you are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how?" she asked, with a worried frown, "I can change…"

"You are so absurd," I teased, kissing her forehead gently, savoring her sweet, warm scent. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I gave in to the temptation and let my fingers trace her delicate spine, like a graceful string of pearls; my breathing grew heavy; the desire to taste her again was irresistible. I touched her lips lightly with mine, parting them slightly with my tongue. Ah...the heat seared through me, and the flavor was almost unbearably delicious, but it was more, it stirred my entire body in ways I could not describe, leaving me breathless and wanting more.

She suddenly collapsed against me, not breathing. "Bella?" I cried, frantic with alarm. Her long, dark lashes fluttered against her pale cheeks, and her heart raced as I caught her and held her tight to my chest.

"You… made… me… faint," she accused, when she could speak.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked, in mingled relief and exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" She laughed, weakly, laying against me for support. "So much for being good at everything," I said, rueful.

"That's the problem," she said, holding her head. "You're too good. Far, far too good.

I would have blushed, had I been able, but I let it go. "Do you feel sick?" I asked, remembering when she had fainted at the smell of blood, the first time I'd really noticed her otherness.

"No, that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breathe."

She was still pale, and her skin was clammy. "I can't take you anywhere like this."

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

I watched her carefully for a moment; her color was returning, and I noted again how the shade of blue she was wearing enhanced her creamy complexion. "I'm very partial to that color with your skin," I told her. She flushed an irresistible shade of pink and dropped her eyes.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?"

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

"That's right,"

I shook my head, amused and amazed. "You're incredible."

I still had her keys, and I held them up, swinging from a finger. "Want to drive?"

To my relief, she shook her head, "No, I think you'd better, I'm still a little dizzy." She shook her finger at me in pretend ire. "No more kissing me before we travel!" she said, and then laughed, "On second thought, why don't you just do all the driving."

She stepped back, steadying herself on my arms. "Okay, let's go before I change my mind!"


	6. Chapter 6

Although Bella was quiet on the ride to my house, the nervous energy radiating from her was palpable. She had just reached the limit of her patience and had taken a breath to ask, when I turned off onto the long drive up to the house. I watched her out of the corner of my eye and smiled to myself as her mouth dropped open in surprise. It must have looked to her as though we were just meandering through the dark, ancient wood; the path would have been barely discernible to human eyes.

My family had chosen a location that would not soon, if ever, be encroached upon by civilization, and I realized when we left the more densely populated area behind that she had probably never been this far outside of Forks. We owned a large swath of land surrounding the house, large enough to prevent anyone from building too close for comfort.

Her eyes were huge as she clutched the arm rest in a white-knuckled grip and ducked her head down to see the tops of the trees looming thick and gloomy over the drive. I reached for her other hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and she turned to me with a quick, trusting smile. She was so brave, it made my still heart ache. It also reenforced my conviction that her courage far outweighed her instinct for self preservation.

"Wow!" she said when we pulled up in front of the house.

"You like it?" I asked, smiling. I could tell from her expression that she was overwhelmed. Esme had outdone herself on this house, combining our individual, and eclectic tastes and history into a graceful and harmonious design that blended with its surroundings in an elegant, yet comfortable abode.

"It… has a certain charm."

I laughed at her gift for understatement and gently tugged the end of her pony-tail.

I moved at my normal speed to open her door. "Ready?" I asked, offering a hand to help her down.

She placed her hand in mine and stepped out of the truck, laughing a nervous little laugh and smoothing her already smooth hair with the other. "Not even a little bit — let's go."

"You look lovely," I told her, truthfully, as I led her up the steps. Her fingers were stiff and cold, even to my frigid touch, and I stroked the back of her hand gently with my thumb, trying to relieve the tension emanating from her.

Esme and Carlisle were waiting just inside the door, and both of them were warm and welcoming in their thoughts. Carlisle's reflected his calm confidence in me; Esme's were a bit anxious. She had waited two lifetimes to see this day, and she desperately wanted to put Bella at ease, under the mistaken impression that she was a normal human with normal human fears. If only! I would feel better if she would exhibit at least a small amount of trepidation, for reasons other than their disapproval.

I opened the door and led her inside.

Her eyes grew very large as they swept the room, taking in, especially, the view out the back window wall, and lingering on my piano, before coming to rest on my erstwhile parental units, who were standing just to the left of the door beside my baby grand. I tried to see through her eyes, as though for the first time. I recognized that we had deliberately created surroundings for ourselves composed of lightness and air, the exact opposite of the dark and gloomy myths regarding our kind.

My parents were smiling, waiting for me to make the first move. _Oh, Edward, _Esme was thinking,_ she __is__ beautiful! Is she alright? She's not scared, is she? _

I gave Esme a barely perceptible shake of my head, and, with my arm arm around Bella's tense shoulders I led her forward and introduced her. "Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella."

_Will she be frightened if I approach her_? Carlisle wondered. I smiled to let him know she was alright, if still a bit nervous about making a good impression. He stepped forward, holding out his hand. "You're so very welcome here, Bella."

All the tension flowed out of her as she moved to take his proffered hand, and I was grateful for his calm demeanor, so perfect for putting everyone around him at ease.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen," she said, her tone and manner genuine.

"Please, call me Carlisle," he invited, patting the hand still held in his gentle grip.

"Carlisle," she agreed, smiling a wide, warm smile.

He let her go, turning slightly toward Esme as she stepped forward, her hand also outstretched. _My turn!_ Her delight and approval were shining in her golden eyes as she took Bella's hand in both of hers. "It's so very nice to meet you," she said sincerely.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too," Bella replied. Her open-book eyes were clearly spinning fairy tales around my lovely mother. They stood smiling at one another, a visible bond forming already.

_Edward! _Alice called from somewhere upstairs. _Is it time now? Can we come down?_

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked aloud, letting her know they could put in an appearance.

"Hey, Edward!" she trilled, dashing down the stairs in her usual mode of travel -fast forward. Jasper trailed behind, his thoughts much more reluctant. Alice headed straight for Bella, coming to a halt just as I thought she was going to collide, head on. Carlisle and Esme were frowning, but Bella seemed not in the least put off, still smiling an easy, natural smile.

I stiffened and prepared to grab Alice as I heard her thoughts. _I'm so excited, Edward, you shouldn't have made me wait so long...we're going to be closer than sisters, and I'm going to give my sister a kiss, so there. _She was mentally sticking her tongue out at me.

I was exasperated and amused by my dear sister with equal frequency, however, at the moment I was also puzzled. Something was hovering in the background of her thoughts, something she was preventing me from seeing clearly by scrolling through scenes of some vapid soap opera, for which she knew I had no tolerance. I withdrew, hastily, as she had known I would.

"Hi, Bella!" she said, and darted forward to kiss her cheek, placing her hands on both Bella's shoulders as if they were already old friends. Carlisle and Esme were stunned. Bella, on the other hand, although obviously surprised, was still relaxed, and she returned Alice's smile with no indication of any discomfort.

I started to relax, as well, until I heard the rest of Alice's internal dialogue.

_Wow, Edward, no wonder you have had such a hard time resisting her! She smells amazingly delicious!_

Feeling me tense, Bella glanced up at me, frowning, just as Alice, with her filter-less mouth, dropped a little bomb in our midst.

"Oh, you do smell nice, I never noticed before,"

Dead silence greeted the remark; Bella turned pink and bit her lip, looking down. Only Bella would be embarrassed by smelling too good to a vampire. Wouldn't the normal human reaction to that realization be fear? But not her!

_I've got this. I told you I could help! _Jasper, who had been hanging back, moved to stand beside Alice. "Hello, Bella," he said, wrapping an aura of comfort around us all. I was grateful, but I raised an eyebrow to remind him, no touching!

_I know, I know. I won't come any closer,_ he assured me.

"Hello, Jasper." Bella said, smiling at him, the awkward moment over.

"It's nice to meet you, all of you." she said, smiling first at Jasper, and then encompassing the rest of the family. "You have a very beautiful home," she continued, earnestly.

_She's perfect, Edward,_ Esme was thinking. _Beautiful and brave, and I can tell by the way she looks at you, she's completely head over heels in love!_ Out loud she told Bella, "We're so glad that you came."

In the short silence Bella looked around, taking note, I could see, of the missing family members. A tiny crease furrowed her brow, and I was tempted to smooth it away. Carlisle's thoughts drew me before I could act on my impulse.

_Edward,_ he was thinking,_ I'm really sorry to bring this up now, but Alice is on high alert; she has seen visitors coming. She doesn't recognize them, but they know, or will know at some point, that we're here. And, there is something else you need to be aware of. It has come to my attention that several bodies have turned up at hospitals along the coast that were clearly kills by our kind, although, so far they are being attributed to animal attacks. This started about three months ago in Prince Rupert. Since then there have been several more, in a more or less straight line in this direction. Alice is not sure yet whether the visitors are related to the bodies, but either way, we have new neighbors moving in, obviously, and we will all need to keep a close eye, especially on Bella. _

I nodded in acknowledgment, glancing at Alice, my eyes full of questions. This was what she had been hiding.

Recognizing that Carlisle had communicated his concerns, Alice explained,_ I__ wasn't sure Carlisle was ready for you to know yet, you know, with all you have on your mind right now. I__ only found out this morning_._ I don't think they're coming to attack, they will just be curious about us when they find out we're around._ _It feels like they might be responsible for some very out in the open kills, though. One of them, at least, seems pretty brutal._ The images that flashed through her mind caused me to reach for Bella's hand once more, needing the contact.

I was grateful to Esme, when, noticing her preoccupation with the the piano dominating the room, she asked, "Do you play?"

"Not at all," Bella replied, "but it's so beautiful! Is it yours?"

"It's Edwards." She laughed, "He didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No." she said, turning to me with an accusatory glare. "I should have known, I guess.

Esme raised her eyebrows, confused.

Edward can do everything, right?" Bella supplied, with absolute sincerity.

Jasper snickered and Esme gave me a reproving look. _What have you been telling this girl? _"I hope you haven't been showing off— it's rude," she scolded aloud.

I could have told her that whatever showing off I'd done had been to warn Bella away, but it hadn't worked.

"Just a bit," I conceded, chuckling.

_Edward! It's so good to hear you laugh! _Esme was beaming at me now.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella opined.

Esme gestured toward the piano, "Well, play for her," she commanded.

"But, you just said showing off was rude," I pointed out.

"There are exceptions to every rule," she replied.

_Come on, you'll dazzle her! _Alice was thinking.

Bella convinced me. "I'd like to hear you play," she requested.

"It's settled then," Esme said, firmly pushing me toward the piano. Still holding Bella's hand, I pulled her along to sit beside me on the bench.

I studied her for a moment, wondering what she would think of my music. It had always come naturally to me, this ability to hear a piece in my head and let it flow out through my fingers. I did not feel I could take any credit, for I had not had to think about it; just as hearing the unspoken voices of others was a part of me, so was my musical ability. I sighed, realizing that Bella would no doubt find this a reason to add to the height of the pedestal on which she had placed me.

I relinquished her hand and turned to the keys, letting my fingers choose the song. They selected the tribute I had written to honor the abiding love between Carlisle and Esme.

Bella's mouth dropped open, and her eyes grew wide with astonishment as the first rich notes of the beautiful instrument wafted through the room.

_Don't let her face go to your head, Edward, she's completely besotted_. Jasper was thinking. Alice and Esme laughed out loud and Carlisle chuckled at her expression. He herded the family out, quietly, leaving us alone. Bella, wrapped up in the music, did not notice their exit. She was gazing at me, her eyes shifting from my face to my hands, and back to my face. I winked at her. "Do you like it?" I asked, fishing for compliments.

Comprehension dawned, and she gaped at me, "You wrote this."

"Yes. It's Esme's favorite."

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

She was my entire universe and she felt insignificant? "You inspired this one," I told her, drifting into her song, letting her lullaby speak for me.

Again her eyes were closed, but her rapt expression told me that this time her heart was hearing mine in the music.

"They like you, you know," I told her, after a few moments. "Esme especially."

She opened her eyes and glanced over her shoulder, only now registering their absence.

"Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." I continued playing, more softly now.

She frowned. "They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…" I heard the worried question in her voice.

"Don't worry about Rosalie, she'll come around," I promised.

Her pursed lips gave away her skepticism, but she didn't pursue it. "Emmett?"

"Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie."

"What is it that upsets her?"

I sighed heavily, wondering what to tell her. I wasn't sure I understood it myself, completely. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

"Rosalie is jealous of me?" Her voice climbed a couple of octaves with incredulity.

"You're human. She wishes that she were, too."

"Oh," she said quietly, eyes downcast as she processed the idea. After a moment she moved on, "Even Jasper, though…"

"That's really my fault," In informed her. "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

A gratifying shiver told me she understood the danger, at least to some degree. She attempted to cover her reaction by continuing, "Esme and Carlisle…?"

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me," I explained. "She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."

"Alice seems very… enthusiastic."

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," I replied, my tone clipped.

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?" she asked, perceptively, eyebrows arched.

My face must have answered that question. She pursued another, one about which I was almost as reticent. "So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

I frowned. "You noticed that, did you?"

"Of course." Her shrug implied that I should have known she would.

I regarded her for a moment, realizing that she needed to know that I had reason for the paranoia I was going to be demonstrating for the next few weeks. "He wanted to tell me some news — he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?"

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little…overbearingly protective over the next few days, or weeks — and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?"

"Yes… well, they aren't like us, of course — in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."

A tiny shiver quaked over her small frame.

"Finally, a rational response!" I noted, with approval. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

She glanced around the room, taking in the tasteful result of Esme's skillful design.

My eyes followed her gaze. "Not what you expected, is it?"

"No," she admitted, with reluctance.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you," I teased.

"It's so light… so open."

"It's the one place we never have to hide," I told her, more serious now, watching her as she closed her eyes, absorbed in the final melancholy strains of her lullaby.

"Thank you!" she whispered, her dark eyes glistening with tears when the last note had faded. She swiped at them, embarrassed. One shining bead of moisture escaped from the corner of her eye, and I caught it before it could fall. I gazed into this simple symbol of her humanity, feeling once more the gap between our kinds. Could it be bridged by love? My feelings for her were powerful enough to span the distance, I was certain of it in that moment.

Moving too fast for her eye to follow I licked the crystalline drop from my finger, tasting it's similarity to the precious fluid coursing through her veins. It lacked the richness and texture, but contained enough of her essence to trigger a small rush of venom.

We regarded one another wordlessly for a moment, her eyes full questions, mine shuttered, no doubt, as I wrestled down the demon.

Control reestablished, I smiled with relief; I was getting better at it, stronger. The monster posed less problem with each skirmish.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I asked, needing the movement, the distraction, despite the victory.

"No coffins?" Her sarcasm barely masked a hint of anxiety, and I wondered at the source. Was she subconsciously tuned in to my internal struggle?

I rose and drew her with me, smiling as I imagined the nonsense encountered on the internet that led to _that_ question. "No coffins," I promised.

I ushered her up the wide, sweeping staircase and down the hall, identifying each room as we came to it. She passed each without comment until we reached the end of the hall. Her eyes were drawn upward and she stopped abruptly, gazing at the massive cross adorning the wall, her eyes wide with stupefaction.

I chuckled at her stunned expression. "You can laugh," I said. "It is sort of ironic."

She put out her hand to touch it, but drew back as though it might be too holy to defile.

"It must be very old," she posited.

I shrugged. "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less."

She tore her gaze from the cross and turned to me.

"Why do you keep this here?" she asked, still wide eyed.

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father."

"He collected antiques?"

"No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached."

Instinct told me she would need time to process that. I watched her face carefully as an array of emotions played across it. She returned her gaze to this piece of ancient history, struggling to come to terms, I was sure, with the reality of the chronology. The silence stretched out so long I was afraid she had finally reached her breaking point.

"Are you all right?" I asked, wanting to capture her hand, but knowing I needed to give her time and space I resisted the urge.

She didn't acknowledge my question. "How old is Carlisle?" she asked, finally, still gazing up at the cross.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday."

Carlisle's was a long and difficult history to tell, and I wasn't sure how much she was ready to hear. I monitored her closely as I told her his story; listening to her heart and breathing. When I had given her the basic outline, I paused. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she replied, automatically. Her heart beat was slow and steady, reassuring me that she was not likely to run screaming from the house in the next few minutes. She was still assimilating Carlisle's chronicle, and a half dozen different emotions vied for expression in her eyes, but the dominate one was rabid curiosity.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me," I predicted, smiling.

"A few," she admitted, trying to appear casual.

Amused, I took her by the and and led her down the hall to Carlisle's office. "Come on, then, I'll show you."


	7. Chapter 7

Carlisle heard us coming, of course. _You've given her a great deal of information, and she seems to be taking it in stride, her heartbeat is steady, not overly excited._ _Her adaptability is remarkable, _he observed as we paused for moment outside his office.

"Come in," he invited, through the still closed door. Bella did not appear at all disturbed by the fact that Carlisle's invitation had not been preceded by a knock. She did indeed seem to be accepting our differences with almost unnatural ease, but I was still both worried and hopeful that sooner or later the weirdness would mount up past her level of tolerance and she would shudder and run. The dichotomy of emotion was draining, to say the least.

She looked around as I showed her in, her eyes drawn with magnetic pull up and across the high, bookshelf lined walls that dominated the room. The spark of interest in her eyes was immediately recognizable to another bookworm.

_She's a reader, I see. That's a very good sign, don't you think?_ An image of Bella flickered through his mind, curled up on the leather couch in my room surrounded by piles of books, gazing with deep concentration at the tome open in her lap. Her skin was pale white, pearlescent, her eyes golden. _Sorry..._ He pushed the image away, replacing it with thoughts of the patient he was treating and the medical volume he had been reading. He marked his page and rose, coming around his desk to stand beside us.

"What can I do for you?" he asked aloud, for Bella's sake.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I said. "Well, your history, actually."

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella apologized, diffidently.

"Not at all. Where are you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," I told him. I grasped her hand and pulled her away from the books back toward the door we had just come through. Her heart rate sped at my touch, warming and distracting me.

Her cheeks flushed deep pink and she bit her lip, realizing that Carlisle's acute hearing would have revealed her reaction to the innocent contact between us.

_She does not take you in stride however, it would appear. How will you handle that? It might be wise for us to have a talk later. _Almost as mortified as Bella, I arched an eyebrow at him behind her back.

_Well, there may be things you need to take into consideration, in view of her, er, easily stimulated nature. _I grimaced and shook my head.

Not wishing to prolong her embarrassment, I steered her quickly toward the picture I would use to begin the story. Her eyes skimmed over the varied sizes and shapes of the paintings covering the entire wall, seeking a definable pattern.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I said, directing her attention to the small, rather dull looking painting that depicted London at the time of Carlisle's transformation.

She jumped, startled when Carlisle's voice intoned directly behind her, "The London of my youth." She had not noticed his approach.

"Will you tell the story?" I inquired of him, giving Bella's hand a reassuring squeeze.

He smiled his apology, "I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning-Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he grinned, glancing at me. _She would much rather hear it from you, anyway! _

With a warm smile for Bella, Carlisle said his goodbyes, encouraging her to come again, soon.

She watched him leave with a thoughtful expression on her face; I could see the wheels turning as she adjusted to the anachronism of a being from the 1600's off to work in a modern day hospital.

After a moment she turned back to wall, ready to hear The History of Carlisle, 101. The paintings he had collected over the years were of the locale where the events had taken place, painted by artists from the area.

I watched her as she stared at the little picture of Carlisle's hometown for a long moment, standing close and taking in every detail.

"What happened then?" she asked finally, picking up where we left off before entering Carlisle's office. "What did he do when he realized what had happened to him?"

Her gaze followed mine as I looked up at a painting of a forest sporting muted fall colors surrounding a rather forlorn meadow. In the background a steep, rough mountain rose into a gray sky.

"When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" she gasped.

"He jumped from great heights, he tried to drown himself in the ocean… but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist… feeding… while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation."

"Is that possible?" she whispered.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

I wasn't ready to answer the question I saw in her eyes, so I forged ahead before she could ask.

"He grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and —"

"He swam to France?"

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I pointed out.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us —"

"Everything is easy for you," she interjected, a faint note of petulance in her tone.

I cocked an eyebrow at her and smirked, waiting for her to come up with something else.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise."

I laughed and finished my thought. "Because, technically, we don't need to breathe."

"You —"

"No, no, you promised." I chuckled, laying my finger across her lips. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything," she persisted, murmuring against my finger, sending a little jolt of pleasure up my arm. I removed my hand from the temptation her mouth presented to cup her neck, only to realize that was no less enticing when I felt her heartbeat quicken once more.

"You don't have to breathe?" she asked in a shocked voice. I wondered what about this she was struggling to assimilate; she hadn't batted an eye at the blood-drinking, or cold stone skin, or even the lack of heart beat

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit."

"How long can you go… without breathing?" Disbelief was written all over her face.

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable — being without a sense of smell."

Her eyebrows had nearly reached her hairline. "A bit uncomfortable," she repeated, her voice devoid of inflection, her eyes slightly glazed.

I dropped my hand and waited, certain it was all about to come crashing down around me; her limit had been exceeded. I braced myself, preparing for the blow.

After a lengthy silence she refocused, meeting my eyes.

"What is it?" she whispered, laying a gentle hand along my cheek. I melted at her touch, only then realizing that I had frozen in place.

I sighed with relief. "I keep waiting for it to happen."

"For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go. I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I realized I was babbling, and trailed off at her expression, my heart lifting.

She was smirking at me, genuinely amused. "I'm not running anywhere," she promised.

"We'll see."

She grew serious once more, "So, go on — Carlisle was swimming to France."

I glanced at the next picture, Solimena's colorful, baroque depiction of the Volturi Court done in a lush, almost decadent style.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine — and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." I paused, remembering his memories; how Carlisle had suffered, the pain, the self loathing, the hatred for the monster. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital."

For a moment I was lost in Carlisle's past, caught up in his intense conflict with the beast. He had never once allowed it out to roam, as I had. He was so much better than I could ever be. He had never even contemplated letting that other lust driven animal out, either; perhaps he did not have that particular monster inside of him. Oh, he was passionate-as uncomfortable as it made me, I could not help but be aware of that-but I never felt from him the raging... I drew myself up short, it would not be prudent to rattle that cage, ever, and Bella was waiting for the rest of the story.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

I touched the painting, calling her attention to the four figures standing together on a balcony overlooking the scene of hedonistic opulence below. "Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods," I told her. Would she see it?

She recognized him almost immediately and gave a startled, gasping laugh.

I chuckled. "Aro, Marcus, Caius, nighttime patrons of the arts." As I named them I pointed to their faces in turn.

"What happened to them?" she asked, letting her fingertips hover for a moment over Carlisle's calm, unsmiling features.

"They're still there," I told her, shrugging, "as they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act. Since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…"

Unbidden, the memories overtook me and I was there, back in the burning, Carlisle's memories and my own overlapping in a kaleidoscopic mosaic of pain; mental, physical, emotional agony. Schooling my features into what I hoped was a smile, I forcefully wrenched my thoughts back to the present and turned to her.

Her sweet little face was solemn as she waited for me to continue, and suddenly everything in me rebelled at having her subjected to any part of that pain; though she would experience only a third, it was still too much.

"And so we've come full circle," I ended the story, unable to share more.

Her next question, although logical in progression, touched another sore spot. "Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she asked.

"Almost always," I replied, casually, hoping she would let it go. I put my arm around her and drew her with me as I left the room. For a moment her attention was diverted as she gazed back at the wall of paintings, and I thought I had gotten lucky, my qualifier had not registered. I should have known better.

"Almost?" she prompted, as we walked down the hall toward the stairs.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair while choosing my words carefully.

"Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence around ten years after I was… born… created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes never leaving my face as I guided her up to the third level, my arm still snug around her waist. Where I expected fear and revulsion there was only curiosity in her voice.

"That doesn't repulse you?""

"No."

"Why not?"

"I guess… it sounds reasonable."

Reasonable? That was the last thing I had expected. She constantly challenged and surprised me in a way no one had ever done before, and I was unable to contain a short hoot of laughter as I escorted her down the hallway. I slowed our pace, continuing my "reasonable" explanation.

"From the time of my new birth I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle — I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl — if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

She shivered and leaned into me and I knew she was picturing her own recent rescue from would-be attackers. A wave of gratitude washed over me; what if I had not listened to Carlisle and handled that situation my way instead of his? I would not be able to look her in the eye now if I had followed my instincts to be judge, jury and executioner once more.

"But as time went on," I continued, "I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

We'd come to a stop in front of the last door in the hall. I was a bit apprehensive, no one but my family had ever been here before, and even they rarely invaded my domain.

"My room," I announced, opening the door drawing her two step inside, before dropping my arm to let her go. I waited as she entered with out hesitation, going to the middle of the room and spinning in a slow circle, taking it all in, her eyes alight with interest.

The entire south side of the house was glass, and my room, being on the top floor, had the best view of anywhere in the house. It overlooked the beautiful Sol Duc River, with the Olympic Mountains not too distant. I loved this small space, it contained the most precious of my earthly possessions, my music and my books, and a few things-very few, actually-from my human past.

"Good acoustics?" she guessed, gesturing toward the thick gold carpet and the heavy drapes, in a darker shade of the same color, that hung floor to ceiling.

I chuckled and nodded, impressed with her quickness. I found the remote and turned some music on, not even noticing what was playing. At some point since entering my room a little glow of happiness had ignited in my chest and was growing brighter with each passing moment, simply because she was here. I watched her, the fuel for the flame, as she decided what to explore first, thinking that I knew her well enough to predict.

I was right. She walked to the wall-sized entertainment center that held my sound equipment and music collection. She ran her fingertips along the cases, examining them carefully, a tiny crease furrowing her brow. "How do you have these organized?" she questioned.

It took a moment for it to register that she had asked a question. "Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame."

She turned to me, her face a question mark. "What?" she demanded in response to my stare.

"I was prepared to feel… relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me… happy," I admitted, unable to keep from smiling.

"I'm glad," she said, smiling back. Her smile reached her eyes, but there was still a tiny pucker between her brows, and I wished for the hundredth time for a glimpse of what she was thinking. That spark of joy was still there in my chest, but it dimmed, just a little. I could not help but wonder how much my happiness in her company would end up costing her, and in the end myself; at this point my happiness was inextricably linked with hers. We studied one another, and I must have lost control of my expression; she smirked and cocked an eyebrow at me. "You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?"

I nodded and smiled at that eyebrow.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," she lied, flipping her hair in attempted nonchalance.

That tiny glow suddenly bloomed into a full blown blaze of happiness as visions of Bella flickered through my head, clear and fully formed; running, laughing, tickling, having fun for endless days. A sense of lightness filled me, weight lifted; I wanted to play like the boy I was.

"You really shouldn't have said that," I told her, allowing myself a chuckle that sounded a trifle wicked, even to my own ears. I gave her a tiny growl to enhance the effect, and bared my teeth, crouching...

She backed away, her eyes widening. "You wouldn't," she said, no fear, only a bright flash of excitement in them.

I leaped at her, letting go and moving at normal speed, which was fast, even for a vampire. She wouldn't have even seen me coming. I wrapped my arms around her soft body, making sure her fragile frame was in no danger of bumps or bruises as we crashed into the couch, knocking it into the wall. She struggled against me, and I held her tighter to prevent the movement, which was stirring something in my lower half that I didn't know how to handle, and causing a small flood of venom. I easily squelched the latter reaction, no more than a predator - prey response that I was used to resisting. The other monster, the other hunger was proving harder to ignore.

She tried to sit up, adding to the waves of sensation coursing through me. I pulled her up to my chest away from the danger zone. Arousal mingled with amusement as she glared in mock indignation.

"You were saying?"

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster!" Her attempt at sarcasm was belied by her shortness of breath.

"Much better," I approved.

"Um," she said, resuming her feeble struggle against my restrictive hold. "Can I get up now?" She still felt no fear, and I was happy beyond all reason.

I was so wrapped up in Bella that I had only a moment of warning._ Edward, what are you doing? _Alice's laughing mental voice was accompanied by a replay of our crash into my couch a few moments ago. _I told you it would be fine, see how much angst you could have spared yourself? We're all going to have so much fun! Jasper's going to invite you to play ball tonight, you should come and bring her with you!_

Jasper was shocked and impressed with my control; he, more than anyone, knew the effort it took.

"Can we come in?" Alice asked, unnecessarily, since she was already standing just inside the still open door.

Bella looked up, startled, and redoubled her effort to pull away, her cheeks flooding with becoming color. I kept my iron hold, incapable of letting her go, adjusting our positions so that she was on my lap, but away from...danger.

"Go ahead," I invited.

Alice danced into the room and sank gracefully to the floor, snickering all the while. Jasper remained in the doorway. I lifted a warning eyebrow; he sensed my arousal, I wanted him to leave it alone.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice teased.

Bella stiffened in my arms and I tightened my hold, chuckling. "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare."

_How are you keeping such a tight rein on yourself, Edward? It's impressive, but how long will it hold? _Jasper questioned. _Your emotions are really stirred up. Don't push it too far, ask for help if you need it, man. _"Actually," he said out loud, smiling as he advanced a little further into the room, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

I hesitated, searching the images flickering like an old newsreel through Alice's thoughts. The most ominous vision was one of Carlisle and Jasper colliding in mid air with a resounding crash.

"Of course you should bring Bella," Alice encouraged.

"Do you want to go?" I asked, gazing hopefully into her puzzled brown eyes.

"Sure." Her forehead was puckered in confusion. "Um, where are we going?"

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball — you'll see why," I promised.

"Will I need an umbrella?"

The three of us laughed aloud.

"Will she?" Jasper asked Alice.

"No." She was positive. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

"Good, then," Jasper said, with enthusiasm. It was just his nature to share, and he did, in a warm little blanket of excitement.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice rose in one swift movement, grabbing Jasper's hand and heading for the door.

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased. Then, they were gone, closing the door softly behind them.

"What will we be playing?" she inquired.

"You will be watching," I corrected. "We will be playing baseball."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Vampires like baseball?"

"It _is_ the American pastime," I reminded her, deadpan.

"Yes, so it is. Okies," she laughed, "play ball!"


	8. Chapter 8

The _plan_ was for me to take Bella home and stay with her while she fixed dinner for Charlie; something so tasty and carb laden, she explained, that it was sure to leave him relaxed and receptive. No doubt it would involve fish in some way. She plotted her angle of attack, her weapon of choice her grandma Swan's famous something or another. I would wait outside while her father ate and Bella prepared him to meet me. I would then come calling and win him over with my old world charm, whereupon he would readily agree when I asked his permission to court his daughter, starting with a date tonight to play ball with my family.

She had it all laid out in a manner reminiscent of Alice. If the two of them ever came together to connive they would truly be a force to reckon with, I decided, watching her bright eyes and beautiful mouth with amusement and wonder. I knew without a shadow of doubt that I could happily spend an eternity just looking at her and listening to her voice.

The best laid plans of mice and men—or vampires and scheming teenaged girls—being as they are, easily disrupted, I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. The _plan_ began to derail right before we turned on to Bella's street. My pleasure in her company and her adorable strategizing was cut short with a jolt, interrupted by harsh mental voices. My nose was accosted by an offensive order, my mind by unpleasant thoughts. "Damnable dogs!" I muttered, too low for Bella to hear.

Billy Black and his son were there on her front porch, waiting for Charlie, and Billy was a man with a mission. I pulled up to the curb and parked, slamming on the brakes harder than necessary, enraged by Billy's intentions.

Jacob stood behind the his father's wheelchair, confused and more than a little embarrassed, but finding the thought of seeing Bella once more far too exciting for his own good.

"This is crossing the line." I growled, furious, suppressing my urge to rip the door off the truck and the old man's head from his shoulders.

Bella understood, immediately. "He came to warn Charlie?" she gasped, anger and terror widening her gaze.

Too angry to speak, I nodded, pinning the old man with my eyes. He stared back, impassive, stoic. His thoughts belied his calm demeanor; they were as dark and murderous as my own. I fought what seemed to be some kind of biologic imperative to tear him apart. Only the fact that his thoughts toward Bella were protective gave me the will to hold myself back. His thoughts of me were of a monstrous, aberrant creature, dangerous and never to be trusted. I wished with everything in me that he was wrong.

Bella laid a gentling hand on my arm. "Let me deal with this," she implored softly.

Her voice calmed me, brought me back from the edge. I realized that I could not get out of the truck while they were outside of the house without violence erupting. "That's probably best. Be careful, though. The child has no idea."

"Jacob is not that much younger than I am," she reminded me, her tone sharp.

I glanced at her, realizing by the scowl on her face that I had neatly tucked my size 12 between my lips. I grinned a sheepish grin. "Oh, I know."

She sighed, and I could feel her reluctance to get out. I cursed myself for the lack of self control that made it necessary for her to deal with this. But, if I tried, there would be bloodshed and I could not let her be exposed to that.

"Get them inside, so I can leave," I directed. "I'll be back around dusk."

"Do you want my truck?" she offered, biting her lip and looking worried.

"I could walk home faster than this truck moves," I reminded her.

"You don't have to leave," she said, her wistful expression melting away my anger briefly. I smiled and resisted the urge to cup her soft cheek.

"Actually, I do. After you get rid of them," I glared for a moment at the unwelcome pair on her porch, "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I bared my teeth in wide smile, knowing Billy Black would see them. I wasn't disappointed. His breathing hitched and his heart quickened with a rush of adrenaline.

Her low groan brought me back to my senses. "Thanks a lot."

Ashamed, I smiled a half-smile, "I'll be back soon," I promised. And then the jackass in me reasserted himself and I gazed directly into Billy Black's dark eyes before leaning in to plant a kiss on her neck. I wasn't sure what I hoped to accomplish, but whatever it was it seemed to have worked; Bella's heart took off at a gallop and Billy grasped the arms of his chair and glared daggers at me. I drew back and Bella reached reluctantly for the door handle.

"Soon!" she stressed, with a pleading look as she was stepping out into the rain.

My eyes were glued to her small form as she ran across the yard, dodging pools already dotting the yard from the steadily increasing drizzle.

"Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob," she called. I heard the strain in her artificially cheerful greeting. "Charlie's gone for the day —I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Not long, I just wanted to bring this up." He pointed to a brown paper bag in his lap.

"Thanks," she said. "Why don't you come in for a minute and dry off?" His piercing black eyes never left her as she opened the door and stood aside for the boy to push the chair into the house.

Dear God, I hated this! I hated that she was the one out there feeling the weight of Billy's critical stare. I wanted to pound and smash something...preferably the old mans head, silencing the judgmental thoughts filling it. I took a deep ragged breath, almost choking on the smell of dog and the impotent rage coursing through me, in danger of ripping the steering wheel from Bella's truck. The worst part was the realization that if we stayed together this would not be the only instance she would have to stand between me and some part of her world. How could I allow this? Everything in me rebelled at letting her be a buffer. I wanted to protect and shield her, not the other way around.

"Here, let me take that," she offered, reaching for the bag laying on his withered legs as she closed the door, but not before casting a last beseeching glance in my direction. I left then, gone before the door latch clicked home.

I ran as if I could outrun my anger, and my cowardice, at least, that's what it felt like. I ran toward home full out, my passing so swift the leaves barely trembled. As I neared the house I caught the tangy pungence of a predator, the distinctive odor given off by a hunter on the prowl; without even thinking about it I changed course and took down the big cat. I was not really thirsty and rarely hunted this close to home, but I was spoiling for a fight, a way to drain off the aggression. The huge feline was no challenge, of course, although it's musky blood did give me a small amount of extra strength to deal with my anger. Every little bit helped.

I rose and viewed my handiwork with shame. I had ripped the poor beast apart, wasting some of the precious fluid. My clothes, usually untouched, were torn and bloody. Hastily I buried the pieces; a predator such as I could not let the evidence be found.

When I arrived home I stood outside for a moment, placing everyone's whereabouts in the house, unwilling to encounter anyone in my present state.

Emmett and Rosalie were in the garage, under Emmett's Jeep. They were too busy to notice my approach, and I quickly withdrew my mental touch, doing my best to shake off the passion their current occupation stirred. Esme was in her studio and Carlisle was still at the hospital. That left Alice and Jasper. They were in their room and both of them were aware of my arrival.

Jasper's thoughts were full of my roiling emotions, and he reached out with a tentative offer of comfort. I closed my eyes and let the calming wave encompass me, grateful for the respite from the upheaval of the past hour.

_Jeez Edward, _Alice was thinking,_ freak out much? _I could see myself in her head, tearing apart the mountain lion, my face demonic. I bit back a groan and pictured myself explaining; Alice waited, her eyes closed, then nodded with understanding when the vision caught up. _Ya think the dog's gonna talk? Will Bella be able to convince him not to? For some reason I can't see anything around her right now. _Her view of Bella was all blurred colors and shapes, like figures moving behind glass block walls; no identifying features were distinguishable. We both puzzled over the unheard of phenomena, and I determined to talk to her about it later when we could have a face to face conversation.

I slid silently in the front door and up to my room to shower and change, ripping off the remains of my ruined clothes as I went. I threw them in the trash and then turned the water water on as hot as it would go. I stood under the pelting spray, pretending the steaming rivulets streaming down my back were Bella's fingers. Not wise, it quickly became clear, as the imagery spun out of control, became too intense, and fantasy took her fingers, and mine, to secret, untouchable places. All the energy generated by my anger was channeling into other areas, and I grappled with my imagination for several moments before quelling the raging desire rampaging through my body. Hurriedly, I rinsed off and escaped the shower stall, wondering if I was condemned to nothing but cold showers for the foreseeable future. I shook my head, disgusted with myself; even cold showers might not help.

When I came back downstairs I went straight to my piano, looking for solace and mastery over my rage and lust. I played Bella's lullaby and it soothed me. Esme's thoughts from upstairs, her enjoyment of hearing me play were like comforting hands on my shoulders. _That's such a lovely piece, Edward! Will you play it again? I miss your music, so much._ By the time I had played it through twice I had found some measure of peace.

Rosalie and Emmett came in from the garage a short while later, smelling of sex and motor oil. They were holding hands and smiling at one another; her smile disappeared when she looked at me. She was tossing a baseball into the air and catching it in a precise loop. Emmett was watching her carefully, his usually cheerful and dimpled face now marred by a frown and a furrowed brow.

"So, bro, you're bringing your human to play ball?" she said, contempt disfiguring her beautiful face. "Do you really think that's a smart thing to do?"

"Careful, Rose," I teased her, "your face might get stuck that way. Believe me, you wouldn't want that, it's not pretty!"

She glared at me, and with a flick of her wrist threw the ball at my face. I ducked and she took out a piece of Esme's décor.

_Damn it, Esme's going to be sad and guilt me six ways from Sunday over that. God, you're such an idiot, Edward! What do you know about what's pretty?_ _Why couldn't you fall for someone beautiful, and who wouldn't threaten our lives?_ Tanya's lovely face and Kate's flashed quickly through her thoughts-then, I saw through their faces as though superimposed over one another, an image of blazing sunlight pouring down on two rosy cheeked, dimpled little faces, laughing, wind blowing the tiny girl's long blond hair as she and the dark haired boy raced hand-in-hand though a green meadow. A wrenching spasm of pain made me wince, before she blocked me, suddenly deciding to relive the last few minutes with Emmett under his jacked-up Jeep. She knew that would keep me out.

Being around humans in the context we had chosen posed no problem for her, there was no emotional commitment to an individual. But, I could see that for Bella to be involved in our lives would be painful for Rosalie on a level I had not recognized.

I pealed away the portion of her thoughts with the children and replayed it, slowing it down and looking for details. Normally I paid little attention to Rosalie's internal dialogue; the shallow pool of her mental processes holding little besides vanity and Emmett and cars. But this was something else. I studied her for a moment, puzzled. I knew she had a maternal instinct, but I had always assumed even that was rooted in her self-absorbed conceit. Now, I wasn't so sure.

Emmett glanced at me._ Take it easy on her, would ya? Something's bothering her, and she won't tell me what it is. She's a little bit fragile right now. _He went to pry lose the baseball embedded in the wall. _You can fix this, Edward, and replace Esme's vase._ I agreed with my eyes and he went to stand beside Rosalie.

Emmett didn't ask for much, and I felt bad about being cruel, anyway. "Sorry," I offered, "I was just kidding. You know you're always the most classically beautiful woman in any room."

Her expression softened slightly at my rare and unexpected complement. "Thanks. You're still an idiot, though. I can't believe you've really thought this through. Don't you know you are setting us all up for trouble? And, how can you let yourself get more deeply involved with someone who's going to die? And, if you change her, that will cause a whole other set of problems, not the least of which will be with the wolves. You need to just stop this, now!"

"I can't help myself, Rose. I don't have a choice with regard to how I feel about her, I never did."

She met my eyes, and whatever she saw there hardened her expression once more. _Goddamned selfish brat! Carlisle's indulged you far too much!_

I realized with a start that even after all the time spent in the same house I had not really understood the depth of her resentment toward me; in her eyes I was the only reason he changed her. He kept her from a death she was ready for, welcomed even, for me. And then, for me to have found her unappealing... I sighed and dropped my eyes. There was no way for me to make this right with her, and while previously it wouldn't have bothered me much, now, having seen the real anguish in her thoughts, my sympathy was engaged.

Emmett was tired of the conversation. "Come on Rose, let's go on out to the field and get in some play time," he suggested, putting his arm around her and drawing her close. He glanced back at me over his shoulder. _We're going to run, so if you need my Jeep for Bella you know where the keys are. Feel free._

I smiled my thanks and nodded. I hoped for his sake that Rosalie would someday soon let go her anger and just enjoy what she had.

She snorted in a very unladylike fashion, totally at odds with her feminine beauty. "Like we need practice to clean their clocks!"

He waggled his eyebrows at her and whispered in her ear as he lead her out the door, "Who said I was talking about the game?" Emmett had succeeded in lightening her mood; she giggled, and then they were gone.

"Alice, is it time?" I inquired, closing the piano.

_Yes, she has supper ready, they're sitting down to eat_.

"Thanks." I collected Emmett's keys and headed out in his Jeep, eager to be in Bella's presence once more.

I coasted quietly in to her driveway and rolled down the window to listen.

"And, anyways," she was saying, "it's kind of at an early stage, you know. Don't embarrass me with all the boyfriend talk, okay?"

"When is he coming over?"

"He'll be here in a few minutes."

"Where is he taking you?"

I heard her groan, and could picture her grimace. "I hope you're getting the Spanish Inquisition out of your system now. We're going to play baseball with his family."

There was a short silence, and then Charlie snickered. "You're playing baseball?"

"Well, I'll probably watch most of the time."

"You must really like this guy," he observed suspiciously.

I waited for her answer, wishing I could see her face in Charlie's thoughts. She was obviously not going to give him a verbal reply, so I gunned the engine and shut it off, hopping out and striding up the porch steps to ring the doorbell.

Charlie answered it, with Bella right behind him, biting her lip.

It had started to rain in earnest now, and I was drenched and dripping, but he didn't seem to notice. "Come on in, Edward," he invited.

Bella seemed to be relieved about something, and I wondered if he had made some threat I had missed. Not taking any chances, I addressed him respectfully, as a well brought up teenager would. "Thanks, Chief Swan."

"Go ahead and call me Charlie," he said, pleasantly. "Here, I'll take your jacket."

"Thanks, sir."

"Have a seat there, Edward," he said, gesturing toward a chair across from him.

Bella was frowning as I sat where Charlie indicated. She glared at me as she sat down beside him on the sofa. I winked when he wasn't looking, hoping to smooth away her frown; it only made her scowl deepen. Confused, I searched my cloudy human memory for some rule of etiquette I might have violated, but I couldn't find any frame of reference. They probably wouldn't apply now, anyway.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." He seemed inordinately amused, and flickering, fuzzy images of Bella-in bandages and casts-at various stages of life passed through his thoughts.

"Yes, sir, that's the plan."

"Well, more power to you, I guess." Charlie laughed, and I joined in.

"Okay," Bella said. "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She jumped up and headed for the front door, grabbing her jacket on the way. Charlie and I followed.

"Not too late, Bell."

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early," I promised.

"You take care of my girl, all right?"

"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir."

Bella had been fidgeting and looking uncomfortable, and on that note she gave us both dirty looks and stalked out. Charlie followed, chuckling; I decided what ever was bothering her couldn't be too serious.

Bella gasped and Charlie whistled when they stepped out on the porch and were confronted by Emmett's monster Jeep. "Wear your seat belts!" he commanded, his eyes wide.

She approached the Jeep warily, looking askance at the distance between the ground and the door handle. I opened it and she gathered herself to jump for it, but I caught her around the middle and lifted her in. When I climbed in the driver's side she was holding a strap in one hand and a buckle in the other, looking from one to the other in obvious confusion.

"What's all this?"

"It's an off-roading harness."

"Uh-oh." She was fumbling with it, trying make sense of the assorted pieces. I was hoping she would be able to figure it out by herself; I knew that once I touched her it would be hard to stop, the fantasies from earlier were tingling my fingertips already.

I watched out of the corner of my eye for a few moments and then sighed, reaching over to help, unable to prevent my hands from stroking her neck and her irresistible collarbones. She blushed and bit her lip as her breathing quickened and her heartbeat sped up. She glanced through the streaked and steamy windshield, probably hoping Charlie could not see my wandering hands.

Eventually I was able to force them away from the temptation of her warm skin.

"This is a… um… big Jeep you have," she commented, clearly looking for something to distract us both.

"It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way."

"Where do you keep this thing?"

"We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage."

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?"

I just looked at her, incredulous.

In the beat of silence that followed, my words sank in. "Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" she asked, her voicing climbing the scale.

I grinned. "You're not going to run."

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back. "I'm going to be sick."

"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine," I advised her, chuckling to my self.

She bit her lip and paled slightly, looking so adorable I couldn't resist leaning over to kiss the top of her head; the scent of her damp hair was so delectable it was all I could do to keep from driving the Jeep deep into the woods and ravishing her. I groaned with the effort of keeping my foot on the gas and the wheels on the pavement. The knowledge that she wouldn't object made it even more difficult.

The look on her face brought me back from the edge.

"You smell so good in the rain," I explained, answering her unspoken question.

"In a good way, or in a bad way?" she asked, cautiously.

"Both, always both."

Our companionable silence was filled with glances and sweet smiles, until I made the turn on to the path leading to the clearing that served as our ball field. The rugged terrain had Bella bouncing and hanging on for dear life. Intent on making her appreciate the smooth ride on my back, I made no concession to the rocks and ruts, barreling forward at nearly highway speed. I couldn't keep the grin from my face at her expression.

We soon came to the end of the path and I pulled the Jeep slightly off to the side to make it easier for her to get out. I shut off the engine and turned to face her, still smiling. The rain had diminished to a drizzle and the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds, streaking her mahogany tresses with ruby highlights.

"Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here," I told her, unable to hide my smirk. I lied when I said I was sorry, I couldn't wait to have her on my back, wrapping arms and legs around me once more.

"You know what? I'll just wait here."

"What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning."

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet."

I hopped out and went around to unbuckle her; she tried to push my hands away, protesting. "I'll get those, you go on ahead."

I ignored her feeble attempt to still my hands and finished, trying to resist the laughter bubbling up. "Hmmm…" I teased, "it seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory." I lifted her out and set her upright, letting my hands linger at her waist.

"Tamper with my memory?"

"Something like that." Wondering if I had lost my mind, I leaned forward, placing my hands on either side of her head, trapping her against the Jeep. I pressed closer, inhaling deeply. "Now," I breathed on an exhale, and her heart went wild. An almost irresistible pink flush crept from her cheeks down her neck to the little V where her shirt was open. "What exactly are you worrying about?"

"Well, um, hitting a tree," she gulped, "and dying. And then getting sick."

I fought back a smile. The small concavity at the base of her throat where her pulse was strongest begged for my lips and I placed them very carefully, in the sweet, fluttering hollow. "Are you still worried now?"

"Yes." She was gasping for breath, her eyes were all pupil. "About hitting trees and getting sick."

I let my lips skim up her throat to whisper against her cheek, "And now?"

"Trees, motion sickness." She had begun to tremble.

I glided to her delicate eyelids, kissing them tenderly. "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"

"No, but I might," she replied, her voice weak and breathy.

I was just about to lose control, hanging by a finger nail, but I thought I could maintain it slightly longer than she could, she was near defeat. I let my lips rest at the corner of her trembling mouth. "Would I let a tree hurt you?"

"No," she admitted.

"You see," I said against her soft, delicious bottom lip, "there's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"

"No," she conceded, and victory was mine! I gave in to the urgent need and kissed her.

I thought I was over it, I thought I was prepared, but I was wrong. I absolutely knew better than to trust the monster, he was always lurking, waiting to pounce, but I thought I had him well and truly caged. I managed to convince myself we could make this work, that I could keep her safe and have a limited physical relationship, but I kept forgetting to account for her responses.

For the first few seconds she was perfectly still, aside from the all over vibration that happened anytime I touched her. Then, I deepened the kiss-I couldn't help it, she was overwhelmingly irresistible. She threw her arms around my neck and tried to climb into my clothes with me, opening her mouth to invite me in. My mouth flooded with venom, and streams of white hot flame scorched my throat. I ground my teeth together to keep them from her tender flesh.

I hoped she would never know how close my arrogance had taken me to letting the raging, ravenous monster loose. I literally staggered, almost brought to my knees by the wave of lust and the need for her blood and her body. I was panting with the effort of resisting, as though I was a human at the end of a marathon. "Damn it, Bella! You'll be the death of me, I swear you will."

She leaned over with her hands on her knees, gasping for breath. "You're indestructible," she mumbled.

"I might have believed that before I met you. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled, desperate to get to my family so I wouldn't be alone with her. Without waiting for a reply, and with more force than I should have used, I practically slung her across my back. She locked her arms and legs around me with surprising strength and held on for dear life. "Don't forget to close your eyes," I reminded, my tone sharper than I meant for it to be.

She hid her face against my back and I took off, letting myself go full out; the flexing of her limbs around me spurring me on, frantic to get her to safety, in other words, away from me. I stopped at the edge of the clearing, knowing the others could hear us now, lending her a relative amount of protection from him, from me. "It's over, Bella."

She pried her arms and legs from around me and slid down, promptly loosing her balance and landing on her derriere with an "Umph!"

I tried to hold it in, I really did, but as soon as I knew she was not hurt in any way, other than her dignity, the bewildered expression on her face was so unbelievably child-like and adorable that I just could not keep from laughing, loud and long. It was just what I needed to disperse the remaining tension and force the monster back into his cage.

Her dark eyes were snapping and flashing. She was beautiful in her anger as she got to her feet and began dusting at her behind, which only added to my amusement. She gave me a scathing look and stalked off into the woods, going the wrong way. I laughed even harder and caught her around the waist, holding her firmly against me for a moment before the heat coming off her tiny form became too much and I let her go.

"Where are you going, Bella?"

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you."

"You're going the wrong way."

Without comment, or a glance in my direction she made a 180 and strode off. I caught her again, chuckling. "Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face."

"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" she asked, her voice cool, her face hot.

"I wasn't mad at you."

"'Bella, you'll be the death of me'?" She quoted acerbically.

"That was simply a statement of fact."

She scowled and tried to pull away, but I couldn't begin to let her go.

"You were mad," she insisted, angrily.

"Yes."

"But you just said —"

"That I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?" I suddenly understood the reason for her hurt. She thought my anger was directed at her. I was such a fool; why didn't I see that?

"See what?" Hurt and confusion were clear in her eyes.

"I'm never angry with you — how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are."

"Then why?" she whispered, her eyes wide and intense on mine.

I cupped her face, carefully, determined you make it clear to her who deserved my anger. "I infuriate myself," I told her, softly. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to —"

She covered my mouth with her fragrant fingers. "Don't."

My heart ran away with my lips, leaving my mind without input, and the words came unbidden as I held her hand to my cheek. "I love you," they told her. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

Her eyes widened further and her entire face lit up at my words, her lips curving in the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Suddenly, I was happy I had spoken; the look on her face made regret impossible. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I admonished, teasingly, and let my lips try again. This time she held still and I was able to brush her mouth softly with mine and step back.

She sighed and when her sweet breath washed over my face the latent burn that had settled in rose a few degrees, but nothing compared to earlier, and easily ignored. She opened her gleaming eyes she smiled that same beatific smile. "You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going."

"Yes, ma'am." I smiled back, and taking her hand I led her to the ball field.


End file.
